We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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