Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
