I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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