John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
