He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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