for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm getting married
To pizza
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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