I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
