Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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