Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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