it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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