i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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