Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
