Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
