Have you finally orgasmed yet?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
