If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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