I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
