Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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