glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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