if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
How's work?
Spinning.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
