i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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