I'm gonna have a badass scar
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
