you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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