Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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