I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
