if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
