Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
