Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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