I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
