I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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