Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize