Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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