Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
