There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
