A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
