i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
