I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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