"it" just moved
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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