Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
