I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
