i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
