My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize