I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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