Your face is a jimmy john
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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