I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
