Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
