Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
