Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
