Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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