Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
