her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
