I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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