Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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