the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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