What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Actions speak louder than pants.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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