i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
