I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
