I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
