I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
