i permit you to call me
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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